ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
