Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
