I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
