So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
