all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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