I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
