My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
