just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I understand Curling. That high.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
