It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
