I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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