how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
