It's like God shit irony all over that family
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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