I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
