I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We talked him into tasing himself.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
