My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize