I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
