my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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