I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
