fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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