I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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