So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
