So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
