I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
