So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
