Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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