he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
