3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
