shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
