In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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