question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
