Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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