I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
