ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
