I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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