I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
