Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
