its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
