I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
