My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
