Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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