I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
