Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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