The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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