someone get that fucking seahorse.
you would pick up someone in the library
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
