Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
