She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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