My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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