I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
