You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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