Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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