I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
