Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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