You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
