Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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