Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
