my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
