You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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