Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
