Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
