i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
