Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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