my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
