my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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