You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
