I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
