I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize