Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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