I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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