I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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