do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
