Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
