I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
vagina is talking i cant
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
