Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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