Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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