Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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