Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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