Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
