i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize