you told grandpa to call you daddy
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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