sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
