i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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