He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
