the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
