literally had 100 drinks last night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
