I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
