o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
