i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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