I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
