Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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