He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
