Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
