We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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