Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I look better un-naked...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just pee around me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
